Is your hedge fund in dire financial straits? Are you totally screwed and now realizing that someone has to take the fall? Has your ponzi scheme enveloped numerous celebrity-endorsed charities benefiting Laotian children with AIDS and been discovered by the SEC?
I’m your man.
I will take the reins of your hedge fund for as long as necessary to establish credibility, then present a dramatic “mea culpa” to the press declaring that my poor decisions have saddled your company with mounds and mounds of “toxic assets” and “ponzi schemery.” I will personally apologize to anyone and everyone I [you] have wronged and swear I had only the best intentions for your clients and shareholders. Death threats do not phase me. If necessary, I will go to jail. I will look Bernie Madoff in the eye and say “Hey bro, I feel you” on national television. You and the rest of your company can shake your heads and say “for shame” and then continue on your merry way losing money and what have you.
Minimum compensation one million dollars. Serious offers only.
Awesome. And a style of humor that reminds me of Joey Comeau’s Overqualified, which I love, and which I now notice has just been published as a book.