Working Out Your Issues By Dressing Them Up As Science

On Twitter, Annalee Newitz draws attention to “one of the most heinous things I have ever read.”  It’s a paper by a Dr. Rhawn Joseph, printed in the fringe publication “Journal of Cosmology.”  The paper is ostensibly about sex in space, but is really about safe handling of the Dangerous Human Sex Object, with its fragile internal gonads and its morale-destroying seductiveness.  It contains sober and insightful observations, such as:

  • “Biologically, females serve one purpose: to get pregnant.”
  • “[T]he human female has evolved the cognitive and intellectual capacity to employ cosmetics, perfumes, colorful clothing, push up bras, high heals, [sic] and so on…”
  • “If women accompany men on a human Mission to Mars, are they at risk for rape? Or is the greater risk, falling in love and then pregnancy?”
  • “Female primates will also attack and fight among themselves for the opportunity to have sex with a high ranking male,”
  • “Unfortunately, although a few women have flown on the International Space Station for periods longer than 100 days (e.g., Sunita Williams, 194 days, Dr. Peggy Whitson, 350 days) privacy concerns have prevented the collection and reporting of data on female menstrual functioning for long duration space missions.”
  • “[Were a woman to get pregnant on a long space mission] [s]tress levels would rise, as would irritability, resulting in considerable hostility and anger directed toward the mother and father unless, perhaps, she had sex with multiple astronauts and the identity of the father was unknown.”
  • “Naturally, if a few males monopolize the available females, the other male astronauts will respond negatively and this may lead to violence. This can be avoided by a rule which relieves the monopolizer of command in cases of sexual monopolization, thereby stripping any male of the high status which made female astronauts prefer him to the other male astronauts.”
  • “Although male and female astronauts could be trained to “share and share alike” so that sexual favors are provided equally to one and all, perhaps a better solution might be to send two space craft, one with an all male crew and another with an all female crew.”

I’m just scratching the surface of this masterpiece, but to summarize: women (or, as Joseph seems to almost prefer, “female primates”) will endanger space missions by selfishly manipulating the (inevitably male) mission commanders to put inadvisable babies in their irradiated wombs, and the only safe way to include them is to either teach them to equitably provide sex to all interested men, or else to shoot their divisive breasts and vaginas to Mars in a special convent rocket.

The paper lists around 100 references, and only a mere twenty of them are the author referencing himself.  What’s more, the place it was published has the word “cosmology” in the title.  This is clearly serious scholarship; I must know more about this man and his work.  Fortunately for me, he has a website.  Tucked away between the artful pictures of himself staring significantly into the distance, his poetry, and his proud republication of his Amazon reviews, there is a 2300 word personal essay titled, “A VERY BRIEF BIOGRAPHICAL RESEARCH NOTE,”  which concludes:

Dr. Joseph is single and is not married.

Although he has certainly had his wild times, chasing women and carousing late at night, Joseph lives the life of a scholar and scientist who sometimes runs with the wolves.

He is an artist, musician, has written screenplays, and has authored short stories and books under other names, co-wrote a highly successful off-Broadway play, and has created over 60 documentary films which have been viewed over 20 million times.

When he is not working, Dr. Joseph spends a considerable amount of time walking in the mountains, in the woods, and near the sea…thinking. Always thinking.

What an amazing man.  He must be very strong to have successfully resisted all of the female primates who want to better themselves by birthing his offspring.

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  1. The one about not having open data on the menstrual cycles of female astronauts still kills me. “It’s unfortunate that privacy laws prevent me from seeing the medical records of some specific strangers I’m interested in. I should be allowed to do that.”

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